Men and women are equal... bollocks!

Men and women are neither equal nor one better than the other, period. Men and women are certainly not the same, we have some similarities and we are part of the same species, yes, but we are different biologically and psychologically speaking and that is precisely what it makes it so interesting. This has been, to me, one of the most obnoxius, asinine comparisons, it is like comparing the Beatles to Pink Floyd; we know some prefer the Floyd, some prefer the Beatles, some prefer one of the two and some hate both.
Before any reader starts to give me a whole chauvinistic sermon on how I am completely wrong, I would like those people to be aware of a couple of facts regarding my background: I am a heterosexual man raised by two women —my mother and sister —, and I have grown to love and treasure women, but it suddenly reached the point where I would idealize girls and I would think no harm and no evil could be done from such divine creations —and I am not kidding —. I also grew thinking that pretty much every man in the world is a complete self-interested, sex-driven schmuck obsessed with power and with an amusing predisposition to violence and lack of conscience of species preservation —my mothers never spoke an unkind word towards men while I was growing up so this view of mine was not entirely influenced by them —. Since the beggining, I recognized women as “the other” and I certainly expected a lot from them, salvation included. As time went by, I had better friendship relationships with women rather than men and being sorrounded by girls and sharing experiences, I noticed that they enjoy sex, books, drinks, cigarretes, movies, et cetera —because they would always speak openly to me, without reservations —, as well as men do, not to mention I sensed the same malice as you would do in a man, but when women speak about such subjects their approach tends to be different even if the intention is practically the same. All of this gave me a peculiar focus on that whole gender struggle to the point that I could get my share of facts from both sides but specially the femenine side. For the sake of argument, it would be interesting to imagine the following scenario:
Picture a group of give firls and another of five boys. All of them are friends, nice-looking, socioeconomically stable, they go to the same school, they receive outstanding education, their families are balanced, they have no dangerous psychological profiles, they enjoy physical training, and they have the need to learn everything that is thrown to them, in a nutshell, they are a utopic, uniformed pack of goodness. As they grow up, hormones start to kick in, and being all of them so cerebral and considering they are not a bunch of sheeplike drones, one day they ask themselves a common —annoying— question: what is love? I am pretty sure you will get at least two different anwers in each group. The answers would somewhat converge at some point, there is no doubt, nevertheless, the approach or form of expression used by the women group would be discernible from the men group and, again, they are DIFFERENT. This, to me, is quite obvious and without question, one does not need to be a genious to understand that both men and women perceive the world differently. But this is the point where I want the reader to put his brain to work and to try to refute my statements: if two men have identical backgrounds most likely they will think the same, however, if a woman and a man share that background there is a slight chance that they will arrive to the same conclusion, yet again, some points will converge but will not be identical.
I could throw in some missing factors such as the invidual experience of every hypothetical individual —we already know the experience shapes our view of the world —, feminism, the macho culture and even race into the mix but we would end up in a quite tedious analysis.The deal here is that however coined the saying “men and women are equal” was not paying attention to what he or she said because “equal” means “the same”. If women are trying to be like men I think they will crash into a brick wall because it is not going to happen. Besides, why the need to be the same? I mean, learn to use your words because what you need is equity —a questionable term, by the way —. If women long for pure acknowledgement and integration —embracing the other— which are some of the root problems in ethnic quarrels , then it seems completely valid to me and they have my support, but to be THE SAME as the other kills the purpose and, to be frank, I am not interested in that kind of world.
On a final note, remember that is not everything men's fault, I mean, if you think about it, if women had been rulers of the world during the same time span as men have been, humanity would still sail in this vortex to oblivion but, perhaps, the velocity and manner in which we get sucked in would differ. Power without knowledge corrupts both man and woman. If we are talking about equity then learn to share the blame as it is part of it.
This reminds me and proves that the idiotic intent to produce and homogenous society is another way to control people and, therefore, I am totally against it. A place where no one questions or has no discussions because everybody agrees, and they watch the same films, they listen to the same music, they go to the same places, the same schools, an so on, it is stuck and doomed to perish. Diversity has always been my predilect inspiration when it comes to artistic expressions and it amuses me quite as much.

Dios siempre presente en mi pensamiento...

Creo que esa asquerosa verborrea de “Dios bendiga a América” por fin surtió efecto, sino cómo podríamos explicar que les esté cargando el payaso a Haití y Chile. Sueño dorado del país vecino: adiós negros, adiós latinos. Como Dios ya escogió su favorito —porque siempre escoge a quien más le besa los pies— es de esperarse algún evento climático trascendente pronto en Medio Oriente, Korea, Rusia, Japón, China y posiblemente Francia, simplemente por ser tan... Franceses.
¿Será anticristiano no emocionarse por estos desastres? Me hago esta pregunta porque me considero un buen cristiano: me gusta el sufrimiento ajeno y jactarme de que siempre tengo la razón.  Digo, si Dios controla a la naturaleza entonces Él metió su sagrada cucharota, y, por ende, esto ha de ser parte de su Plan Divino.  Como sabemos, Dios jamás se equivoca, para darnos cuenta de ello sólo tenemos que observar lo civilizada y equilibrada que es la humanidad. Diosito lo tiene todo calculado, sin margen de error alguno claro está.
Bueno, disculpen, a veces tiendo a divagar acerca de los misteriosos caminos del Señor. Mi propósito no es cuestionar lo que me dice Mamá Iglesia —¡jamás!, yo como buen siervo con complejo de mujer subyugada, le temo a mi Señor porque me ama y también abusa física y psicológicamente de mí... Pero... ¡Me ama!—. Lo cual me recuerda, querer ser como Jesús... ¿No es blasfemia? ¿Dónde está la humildad? Querer ser como el hijo del Todoponderoso me parece un poquito ambicioso...
En fin, todo esto fue una excusa para decir: me caes bien, Dios, por cábula, cínico y voyerista.

Mixy Ónes (II)

Definitivamente prefiero meterme al carro y no subirme. Ignoro porqué me parece más seguro estar dentro de un transporte automovilístico que encima del mismo. Supongo que es cosa de ser práctico...


En honor a aquellos individuos que siempre traen la verga en la boca


—No es así...
—¡Cómo vergas no!
—Pues provecho, pero no es así.


—¡Sepa la verga!
—¡Pues pregúntele! (por Sallesino)


—Estoy que me lleva la verga.
—Sólo espero que no se le olvide regresarte. (por Sallesino)


—¡Vale verga!
—¿Y a cuánto se está cotizando últimamente?


—Te digo que así no va...
—¡Ah, qué vergas!
—¿Otra vez con hambre?


—¡A la verga!
—Ahora no Robin, tenemos que ir por el batimóvil.

—¿Dónde está esa verga?
—Pues en el mismo lugar de siempre al menos que ya tenga pies...

—¡Vete a la verga!
—Esto es una Hummer, capitán, no un navío...


—¡Ponte vergas!
—No, gracias, Manuelín, yo no le hago al bukkake. 

Mixy Ónes (I)

• Recuerdo que alguna vez en clase me han dicho: '¡guarda silencio!'. Como nunca me gustó importunar a la clase con indisciplina, al instante me ponía a platicar con todo mundo y hacer toda cantidad de ruidos posibles, de esta manera yo guardaba el silencio y sacaba su opuesto. Después entendí que lo que quería decir mi querida maestra era 'guarda ruido y saca silencio' y no viceversa.
• Al contestar el teléfono es común escuchar la siguiente frase: '¿se encuentra Fulanita?', lo cual siempre me consterna un poco, si no te puedes encontrar entonces tienes serios problemas. Como soy un buen samaritano contesto: 'vaya, pues, no lo sé, déjame averiguar, eh, ¿Fulatina, te encuentras?, a ver, déjame ayudarte, estira tu brazo preferido hacia enfrente y con la palma hacia el techo quiero que, haciendo uso de la coyuntura de tu brazo, lo flexiones como es natural -¡no le puedo decir "flexiónala hacia ti" porque no sabe dónde está!- e intenta ubicar tu rostro, ¿lo has conseguido?, bien, ¡allí estás!" Con el tiempo he aprendido que el tener un espejo de bolsillo a la mano puede evitar tanta instrucción.
• '¿Me podría comunicar con Bencéfalo?' Esta gente se piensa que uno es algún tipo de terapeuta que puede ayudarle con su ineptitud verbal, 'déjeme decirle que los pedos que usted tenga con el mentado Bencéfalo son precisamente SUS pedos. Aprenda a ser más sensato si quiere entablar conversación con él'. Quizás el llamador podría haber empezado su llamada con un '¿me podría pasar a Bencéfalo', pero lo más probable es que algún chistosito diría que eso viola las leyes de la física. Igual podría decir '¿podría pasarle el auricular al licenciado Bencéfalo?' pero eso ya sería pasarse de tetilla masculina y, además, todos sabemos que sólo se lo 'pasarían' y no se lo 'darían'.